Tequila!
by PrincessBellePrinceAdam
Summary: xJFx Crack!fic. Fed up with Dai Shi ignoring her advances, Camille takes Flit's advice: Get Dai Shi drunk. Rated just in case.


_Notes: I'd like to dedicate this to __**Kiana**__, who gave me the idea._

**Tequila!**

Camille was starting to get irritated. She wanted Dai Shi, and she wanted him badly. But nothing she did seemed to work. She had done everything her _Cosmopolitan_ magazine had told her to do to get Dai Shi in her bed, but he seemed oblivious to her tricks.

The lizard recalled all the things she had done: she had worn a new perfume; she had tried a new bra to make her bosom look more appealing; she had lightly caressed him with the tips of her fingers to "stimulate" him…and none of it made Dai Shi notice her.

"It's so unfair," the chameleon said to herself. "I mean, I waited ten thousand years for him and he won't reward me for it! Ten thousand years in a _wall._ I'd like to shove him in a wall for ten thousand years and be a tease towards him."

Flit flew out of his hiding place. "Perhaps you should attempt the oldest trick in the book, Camille," the little fly buzzed.

Camille grabbed Flit by one wing and dangled him in front of her. "What do you know? How can I get Master right where I want him? Tell me, you little pest, or I swear I will resurrect Toady and feed you to him."

"No need to threaten me," squeaked Flit. "I will tell you the secret, Camille."

The lizard straightened herself up and smoothed down her hair. "Well, what is it?"

"Get him drunk," Flit advised. "Dai Shi is now in a human body. Humans tend to make bad decisions when they have consumed too much alcohol. I believe it will get you what you want."

"Alcohol? Interesting…thank you, Flit. I will not have to give you to Toady after all." Camille smirked and swallowed Flit again. Well, at least the fly had been useful for once. Now she had a plan. It would be easy to get Master intoxicated. She had to be legal now; she was over ten thousand years old.

With a snap of her fingers, Camille was disguised as a human. She wore a green top and jeans and her hair was up in a ponytail. Smirking, the lizard trotted out of the temple and then transported herself to Ocean Bluff.

"Perfect," Camille purred as she walked into a corner store. She studied the selection of alcohol carefully. There were substances called "rum", "whiskey", and one called "tequila." They all sounded good to the lizard. Camille closed her eyes and picked one, and she saw that she had chosen the tequila. She hoped it was strong.

She walked up to the counter. "I want this."

"Can I see your ID?"

"Oh, right…" Camille zapped herself an ID and handed it to the clerk.

"This says you're ten thousand and fifty six years old."

Camille shrugged and turned to walk away.

"Wait, you have to pay!"

Camille sauntered back to the counter and grabbed the poor clerk by his collar. "No, you're going to pay if I can't get Master drunk and in my room. Understand?"

The clerk gulped. "It's on the house."

With another snap of her fingers, Camille was back at the temple, ready to get Dai Shi drunk out of his mind.

Dai Shi was fighting Rin Shi in the main room. There was sweat pouring down his face from his efforts. Camille felt hot and bothered instantly. She was so happy Dai Shi had chosen to possess such a handsome body.

"Master," Camille called, her voice low and sultry. "I have a surprise for you. I journeyed to the human world and brought you…tequila!"

The tiny part of Dai Shi that was still Jarrod perked up. Dai Shi was disgusted. "Tequila. That is alcohol. Camille, you fool, I cannot drink alcohol. I must be focused. I am going to send out the Butterfly Rin Shi to defeat the rangers."

0o0oTen Seconds Latero0o0

The Butterfly Rin Shi was destroyed almost instantaneously. Dai Shi punched a hole in the wall and then kicked it. "Ouch!" he yelped, rubbing his foot. The lion was depressed. The Butterfly was the mightiest warrior in his army and those rainbow colored brats had won without breaking a sweat. Camille was draped over Dai Shi's throne, the bottle of tequila still in her hands.

Dai Shi marched up to Camille and snatched the bottle from her. He broke the seal and started chugging right from the container. "Ah!" he sighed in a cheerful voice, "Now that was fun. You must try this, my love."

Camille couldn't breathe; Dai shi had said he loved her! …Kind of, anyway. Camille took a sip and grinned. Tequila had to be the best substance in the world. She gulped more, just as the lion master had done before her.

After chugging half the bottle, the lion was more than buzzed. He watched Camille taking another drink. Why had he never noticed how beautiful she was? Why had he ignored her when she was coming on to him?

"Hey, Sexy," Dai Shi mumbled as he tottered over to the throne. He plopped down on Camille's lap. "Baby, you are so hot."

"Am I? Show me." Camille managed to rip off her shirt and Dai Shi then attacked her with his lips, leaving trails of kisses on every inch of her. The chameleon moaned.

Dai Shi knew what he had to do. He stood up and laid his cloak on the ground. He then scooped Camille into his arms and stumbled over to their makeshift bed.

0o0o0o0

Camille woke the next morning with a headache. She didn't mind, though; Dai Shi had totally been worth it. God, he was amazing. He was still lying next to her, completely naked. Camille sighed to herself before scooting closer to her lover.

0o0o0o0

He had refused to talk of their drunken night together. But now he would just have to accept what had happened and settle down with her.

"Dai Shi, we're having a baby."


End file.
